How to stop being so depressed?

When I was little I was adopted into the family I live with now I've been verbally abused and even physically, I can't stand them I have no emotions anymore I haven't talked to any of my uncles or aunts in almost 4 years, I dated the girl I was in love with for a year and a half before she left me for good everyday I think about her she and my grandmother where the only people I really feel cared about me, when I was 9-10 I had a traumatic near death experience My family is always going through finance problems we can't even afford the house we live in I graduated from high school and since then I don't really talk to any friend I work a full time job and all my money goes to weed, When I smoke weed I feel human other times I feel like an empty vessel I'm extremely intelligent which makes me think why everyone else is so ignorant, I'm a good looking guy but I have no interest in girls since my ex I've been single for almost a year and a half, The only time I really feel comfort or ever had is when I'm with my friends from the years 13 -15 I basically lived with my friends in a good environment around the age of 15 that family moved and I had to go back home, until I was 16 I was EXTREMELY depressed I felt deserted like my family left me I stayed to my self till I was 16 and half I moved in with another friend that's when I met my x I was always in an upbeat mood even if my REAL home life was terrible my father was an alcoholic gambler and my mom did some pretty terrible things, I honestly am so numb any more I feel nothing I'm always lost in my own thoughts thinking about how death is an Escape I'm extremely religious but I feel like God has almost forgot me as much as it makes me cringe to type that I do value the small things but when things are so grim and dark it's hard to find happiness anywhere I had to leave the house I went to when I turned 16 and a half now I'm back home with the Parents. I do nothing I sit at home all day bored, and even when I'm with my friends I'm still lost in my thoughts, My hole life I've been bullied and physically attacked, My motto towards life is it doesn't matter my thought process is everything that happens now won't 100 years from now even less than that so why try to do anything, I'm never going to make a mark in history or do anything important with my life I'm set up for failure so why does anything matter when, it really doesn't, My mind set is ****** it's mostly pure aggression and hatred towards ignorance, but really I just want to be happy again, I don't know how to do it on my own so I'm asking for advice, I don't want to commit suicide, I know what most will say, I'm still young and I have a long life to live, I really don't though I had a liver transplant, I can only revive one more and that will probably come sooner than later when I turn 19 my insurance will stop so I won't be able to afford the medicine that keeps me alive and all the other necessities I need to live anyways. Also I have plenty of friends but I always avoid them because I'm so depressed I'd rather not be around them with my current mentality.. Please give me only advice.